Marriage Superglue—After the Deployment Pt. 3

“Adjustments with Kids”Husbands and wives usually have somewhat different parenting styles and strengths.  During a lengthy deployment, your style will of course dominate.  When your hubby comes back, he may try to take over the parenting as he used to do it immediately, without allowing for the changes that have occurred under your leadership.  You can help minimize the adjustment several ways.  Try to bring your style of parenting more in line with what you know your husband will be used to a few weeks before he’s expected back.  If you’ve been letting the kids’ rooms get much sloppier than he’s used to, tighten up before he returns.  Return bedtimes to the times he expects.  Talk with the kids about what his expectations are likely to be.  Gently remind your husband also that he’s been gone a long time and the kids may be used to somewhat different standards now.  Ask him to make changes slowly and gently.  If a child was very young when your husband left, he or she may not remember Daddy.  You can help quicken bonding. Before he returns, hold the phone up to the child’s ear and let him hear Daddy’s voice.  Show him Daddy’s picture and talk often about how Daddy’s coming home, with excitement in your voice.  If the plane comes in during the middle of the night or when the child is normally asleep, consider getting a sitter so the first meeting is under the best conditions.  If the child shows fear or anxiety at being held by Daddy at first, remind Dad this isn’t uncommon and it will soon change.  Playing games on the floor, peek-a-boo, or playing together with a toy can help the child warm up to this unknown man.  Soon, it will be like Daddy was there forever. 

Used By Permission Cindy Pyo Feb 08

Part one
Part two